Tag Archive for coaching

Mindfulness: the 2012 Buzzword?

January 2, 2012 Ari Hahn emotional regulation, Psychiatry, Techniques

A prediction of mindfulness, how strange? Annual predictions are a terrible business. I do not really think I can tell what will be important in the coming year. But seeing as this is my first year writing this blog, and I feel like there needs to be some way of commemorating the New Year, I figured I’ll play the game. I figure that if I see a trend already gaining momentum, it just might continue for some portion of the next 12 months. One big thing I see on the horizon is mindfulness.

Mindfulness is already becoming a very popular technique for relief of all sorts of discomforts. Its popularity is rooted in the growing popularity of Buddhist practices in America. Although I, personally, have some problems with the Buddhist part, mindfulness is actually a universal meditative process. Meditation is used in almost all religions as a way of lowering a person’s focus on self and the material world and heightening awareness of the spiritual. Although we presently call mindfulness “meditation” in Jewish meditative systems it is called a prerequisite to meditation.

There are a few basic techniques of mindfulness but they all utilize thinking about what is happening as if you are observing your “self”. Let’s say you want to begin by learning how to observe your own thinking (a very common place to start.) Most of us are aware that although thoughts are very difficult to control, they can be controlled with a bit of effort. We are also aware that there are several levels of thought. So, if I ask you, “what are you thinking about?” you might answer, “plans for the weekend,” or even, “I dunno. Just dreaming, I suppose.” In the first instance you were thinking about your thought, while in the second instance you were not thinking about your thoughts.

The simplest goal of beginning mindfulness is to cultivate the skill of thinking about your thoughts. To do this most people recommend choosing something to focus on and to pay attention to how well you are focusing. In this way, you can teach yourself mindfulness without having to pay any mind to the subject you are thinking about. Focus on an object (like a candle) or a word (used as a mantra) and just pay attention to how well your mind stays on subject. Don’t make it into a discipline, just take note of where your mind goes and gently coax it back into focus. With consistent practice it becomes easy.

With advanced mindfulness you begin to realize that all of your thoughts and perceptions can be seen as if from an observer’s viewpoint. That can even include pain and fear evoking situations. Wait a minute! That sounds very much like dissociation! The difference is that one is controlled and voluntary and the other in involuntary.

This idea, that advanced mindfulness is similar to dissociation, leads to a few fascinating conclusions. First, that mindfulness is a natural process under certain circumstances. Second, that dissociation is not necessarily bad. In fact, if used properly and in a controlled manner it can be healthful. (I first started working with people in this manner over ten years ago.)

Another important point is that mindfulness is not necessarily a religious practice, and definitely not only a Buddhist practice. You can use it to enhance your health, and maybe should try to integrate the practiceof mindfulness into your own belief system.

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Memory Work?

December 3, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, Positive Psychology, Psychiatry, PTSD, Techniques

One of the major components of trauma therapy is memory work. It makes sense. Memories can upset your current life. It is the memories that cause pain, and we want to avoid the pain. Of course, it is not reasonable to expect all of the pain to disappear, but the goal is to get to the point that the pain is numb enough and controlled enough that it will not cause any disturbances in normal everyday life.

When Memory Work should be Undertaken

This means that you need to have a part of your life that you sincerely consider, “normal everyday life.” That portion of your life needs to be strengthened before serious memory work should be undertaken. Many therapists would call this your “safety net.” I think of it as much more than that. It includes you own strengths and ways of adding joy and meaning to your life.

When to Back Off Memory Work

Of course you need to be a good distance from many of the negative situations that many C-PTSD people find in their lives. Serious memory work should not be tried if any of the following conditions are not under control: substance addiction, self destructive behavior (self injury, suicidal tendencies, eating disorder) threats of violence or homicide life chaos (the likelihood that the trauma will be repeated, abuse is ongoing, no home or income, etc.) mental illness, especially schizophrenia, bipolar disorder (manic depression), or other illness needing medication the threat of mental health being overwhelmed.

It is wise avoid memory work while there is a threat of being overwhelmed and a history of self-sabotaging or self-destructive behaviors. Comforting oneself in dance, for instance, is much healthier than comforting with alcohol or drugs. You need positive ways of avoiding intrusive memories. While everybody has potential for positive coping and comfort, often there is a need to search and develop the positive skills.

Even if you feel that you are ultimately ready, you should commence memory work under the guidance of a trained professional. A qualified professional is able to keep the pace safe, since often we overestimate (or underestimate) our progress. You need to feel comfortable with your therapist. He or she should have experience working with severe rage, nightmares, flashbacks, and irritability because you need to be able to share this with your therapist in order to keep those negative symptoms at bay.

You Need to Control the Memory Work

More importantly, you are the one who is in control. You must determine when to begin. You set a safe pace and say when to stop. Stop or ease up at any time you feel overwhelmed.

When I work with people we do memory work in a slow and steady fashion. It gets integrated with positive gains and a sense of accomplishment. None-the-less, as a therapist/coach I am limited by the amount of work the client is ready to do. If he or she is not yet ready, then the most efficient way forward it to allow her to set the pace. And encourage positive growth. Until the memories can no longer harm today’s life.

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Children, gratitude and thanksgiving

November 24, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, emotional regulation, Positive Psychology, PTSD

Thanksgiving is certainly a day for family and children. Everybody in the family can learn to be more thankful. But why leave thanksgiving for one day? Since giving thanks and expressing gratitude has such wonderful payoffs you should invest in it every day. It sounds good but it is difficult to make even that type of commitment. I have found that while some people can’t commit for themselves they can for their children.

Expressing gratitude on a daily basis has many benefits. It reduces stress, protects against depression, strengthens the immune system, improves sleep, and has been shown to contribute to better grades for children in school.

Many people who struggle with PTSD will find extra strength to overcome the effects of trauma by thinking about their children. Parents who are aware of some negative behaviors and their effects on their children are often much more careful in order to protect their offspring.  Survivors of traumatic childhood events are often very sensitive and can sometimes find themselves to be explosive or angry much more than they,themselves find beneficial. But often when around their children they can find means for additional self control. In order to keep your children healthy you find additional strength.

But why use this tendency only in the negative situations? Children actually can help us to tap into positive strengths. Since we are always interested that our children have a better life than we had, there are opportunities to improve our own lives through our children.

So you want to help your kid to have a better life and get for yourself a better life. I recently heard of a great suggestion. Teach your children gratitude. Make a new custom, a new tradition. Every night, when you tuck your kid into bed ask him or her to tell you about three things that well that day. Help your child to find reasons to express gratitude.

If you do this for a few weeks children will consider this one of the best parts of the day. Remember that there is research that shows that gratitude actually improves sleep quality (that might benefit you.) There is no reason to think that the results are not applicable to children.

There’s more to it.  The positive effects of gratitude do not reside only in the person who expresses gratitude. There is a halo effect. The people around gain benefits. Better mood, improved immune system, enhanced memory, more restful sleep and other good things can start with your children and rub off on you!

I say: go for it.

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Thank You, But My Life Sucks, Thank You!

November 19, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, Positive Psychology, Techniques

Saying thank you seems, at first blush, so very simple. We teach our children to say thank you over and over. As we age, mature and evolve into adulthood, we ungratefully change. Maybe we don’t want to feel indebted or disingenuous but saying thank you or expressing gratitude becomes more infrequent.

With more responsibilities we begin to worry about things going wrong and contemplate the implications when they actually do go wrong. Sometimes it seems like we can only notice how difficult life is. Soon we are so consumed by problems and issues that it really becomes hard to see when things go right. No gratitude there. To whom do you say thank you to when everything is all wrong?

This is particularly true if you have children who need special attention. Or if there is illness in the family. Or if you have a marriage or other relationship that demands extraordinary work to survive. If you share these challenges with friends they might recognize that you are overwhelmed and reinforce your feeling that your life is really bad, thank you. You start asking yourself, “thank you – for what?”

Why should you make a habit of saying Thank You?

But expressing gratitude is not for people who live the life of story book princesses. Expressing gratitude  has the greatest benefits for people who are least accustomed to saying thank you. If you normally feel like all hell is either braking loose or might break loose soon then you can more easily turn your life around than the next guy.

You can teach yourself to get into the habit of feeling gratitude and saying thank you. But why go through the effort? Research shows that people who show,  express or feel gratitude are happier, think clearer, sleep better and even have stronger immune systems.

Gratitude & Thank you: I can’t find the reasons!

“My life sucks!” you tell me. I have coached people who live with mental illness in their family or on themselves. Lives with terrible and unpredictable suffering. People who have lost the gratitude habit years ago. It can take some work to build up the skill of noticing reasons for thanks. It might start with a thank you for one day with a flare up. Or even gratitude for the time to get the laundry done. Maybe thanks for being able to enjoy a flower or a song on the radio. It is not really important what you notice and how major the positive event is. You want to teach your brain to be attuned to positivity. You want to train yourself to notice good things. As this skill grows the research shows that you will feel happier, healthier and stronger.

How can I train myself to say Thank You?

There are a few simple ways of acquiring the gratitude habit. Many people keep a gratitude journal. Every day write down three positive things that happened that day, and some reason why it happened. There are many places on the web that give instructions on how to keep a gratitude journal. Here is one good example, although while research has shown that three items per day is enough this site suggests journaling five reasons.

There are many other techniques. I will write details in future posts. Thank you.

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Relationships: Positive Self Care

November 14, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, emotional regulation, Positive Psychology, Relationships

In my many years of work I have spent some years as an independent practitioner and many years in clinics and offices. Today, as a college professor I do both. I find that it can be ideal to have both settings in my life because I love helping but when independent I do not have real relationships with people (therapy is a special type of relationship). When I add on a workplace, I can develop more relationships that are significantly different from other relationships.

Relationships in the Workplace

In my 30+ years of work I have had workplace relationship issues twice. Once about 25 years ago. I was a clinical supervisor at a clinic and I was young and advancing quickly. That was a formula for trouble and I had not the experience to deal with the ensuing politics. After a while I was miserable and eventually I had to leave. Politics at work can ruin relationships.

Today there is also a particular person who has some issue with me. But I am happy at work. It has absolutely no effects. How is that? What have I learned and what can I share about relationships?

There are actually three aspects that I have learned and are applicable in every person’s life. One relates to how to perceive the negative and two relate to positive aspects.

I Do Not Own Problems in Relationships

To change perception of the negative in relationships  is not easy and is one of the skills people learn in traditional psychotherapy. There is a person who was upset with me. Of course, she blamed and accused me of some “terrible” deed. I never thought that there was any truth to whatever she was thinking, but I never tried to convince her of anything. I just assumed that she had a problem and it was not my problem. She had a problem and wanted nothing to do with me. I obliged. I spend a lot of time helping people with their problems but not if they want my help.

Positive Ways of Dealing with Negative Relationships

 

On the other hand, when relationships in one area of life get screwed up there are also positive actions, steps that can be taken.

Relationships are extremely important but they are not the only way to enhance positivity in life. As an instructor I have my students to be concerned about. I cannot make real relationships with them but I can be dedicated to their success. I focus on achieving an academic goal. Every student who achieves a good grade gives me a sense of achievement. As I put more time into improving my work I have less time to be involved in office politics.

But it is the people and relationships that are important in my life. So to spend 40-50 hours a week without positive human relationships can be overwhelming. So I have learned to select a few people and nurture a positive relationship with them. I go out of my way to say hello and share positive experiences with them. I avoid sharing the negative unless they are ready to be a “dumping ground” and they know that I am only getting things off my chest without animosity. That builds a positive aura around me that enhances my hours at work. And since I am doing it mindfully, it is not really that difficult. I am proactively building relationships, not reactively.

The second path to make up for a substandard relationships at work is to focus on non-work relationships. For me this is easy since I am blessed with six children and 12 grandchildren. That takes time to dedicate to them. People who can’t easily build relationships with family usually focus on friends. But then those relationships needs to be family-like. That can take some work and sometimes some help. But then you also gain achievement.

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We Love Quotes, So Why Doesn’t Their Wisdom Change Us?

November 8, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, Love, Positive Psychology, Relationships

The Quotes Addiction

Do you love quotes? So many people do. But is it really a good thing? I’m not sure.

Why do we read these quotes? We are really thirsty for wisdom. We need some deep, feel good guidance that is somehow based on unattainable knowledge. We seem aware that there are  (or were) people that can put us on the path of goodness, happiness, flourishing or satisfaction.

Once upon a time, most people did not have easy access to any level of deep established wisdom. They needed to work hard even to find a source of quotes. Sure, the hoary elders imparted the wisdom they garnered throughout their decades. This was always a valuable cultural and social asset. But in order to learn, or even be aware of the wisdom of masters, one needed to leave home and either go to an academy or a mountaintop or something like that. Today you can subscribe to a daily quote of wisdom. And if you are not into filling you inbox with random pithy statements, you can read the signatures of many of the emails you get from various acquaintances.

So what is the problem? It sounds pretty good.

Wisdom Become Cheap

I’m not so sure. When things become too plentiful they become cheap. We do not value things that we get with no effort. If you can pick something up at any time with little or no effort it loses meaning. Pick up quotes anywhere and they might be worthless.

Think: do you remember that last pearl of wisdom you saw on a tea bag, bottle cap, email or whatever? Is finding wisdom in those places good enough?Unless you put some special effort you surely do not. If you had walked for eight days to hear it from a great teacher you would remember it forever.

But the ubiquity of wisdom is not really the core problem. It just causes the problem that deflates the value of these worthy pearls. When we do not put effort onto attaining wisdom we lose the emotional connection the wisdom.

Making Quotes Valuable

Without an emotional connection we cannot make wisdom part of our lives. If we do not internalize messages they cannot improve us or our quality of life. We need to make an emotional connection with the wisdom we acquire. We can connect to the message either by our efforts or by our realizations that the bearer of the message is dedicated to our welfare. Or both.

Let’s say you are looking for a path in life and need some real wisdom. You look around and search for somebody you consider a true sage. Then you learn, in depth, that person’s teachings. You might even travel to meet that person and try to glean some of that wisdom in person. That is very different from a quote from somebody you hardly know, and of you did you might not respect that person.

Sometimes you accept the wisdom from a person who knows and cares for you. Think of the lessons learned from a loving parent. If you are lucky enough to have a mom who knew how to teach you the ways of the world, you know what I mean. She might not have been famous, but for you she was wise.

 

But too many of us don’t really have any of the above options. That is why so many of us crave quotations. And I still do not think that they are efficient. So what can you do? You need to combine some real effort with somebody who honestly cares for your welfare.

Quotes and Wisdom Becoming Part of Your Life

That is where a good coach can help. Preferably somebody who has experience in positive psychology, but definitely somebody who can help you work on extracting your own inner wisdom. Your own inner wisdom, you ask? Sure! You’ve learned a lot in your life, and why are quotes from, say, Winston Churchill or Earnest Hemingway (two famous, quotable, successful people who suffered from mental illness), more valuable than your wisdom? You certainly care about yourself more than they do.

It helps if your coach is also a wise person in his or her own right, but much more important is that he or she  will honestly care about you and your welfare. You might then find quotes from somebody who cares about you! With the proper effort and help you will gain happiness, success, fulfillment, goodness, satisfaction and you will thrive and flourish.

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Is Your Anxiety Buffer System Shot?

November 3, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, emotional regulation, Positive Psychology, PTSD

I always knew I could get a head

The Big News: People with PTSD get anxious quicker!
Well, Duh! If you haven’t noticed, that is one of the symptoms of PTSD. So why is there a new journal article, blogged about here (a great blog, BTW) that explains that this happens. OK, they use a new theory called “Terror Management Theory” which says that an “anxiety buffering system” doesn’t work so well with people who have PTSD. It seems to me that this whole thing is just saying the same thing in different words. It says, like, “whatever it is that keeps people from being anxious, let’s call it a buffering system, doesn’t work so well in people who have PTSD so they tend to get anxious.”
As an academic I should not be so harsh. (I teach college psychology when I am not coaching or doing therapy.) I do understand the utility of a new theory. And this one actually adds the socio-cultural aspect to dealing with terrorism. But I fear that such theories can push good therapists away from the realities of the people they are trying to help. When he says, “that the impaired anxiety buffering system may be responsible for the anxiety PTSD survivors feel when faced with threatening situations or circumstances involving mortality,” can lead therapists to attempt to “fix” that faulty system. And the system is a mere theoretic construct.
Another problem with focusing on such concepts is that it is rooted in negativity. Yes, we need to begin with lowering negativity for many (or maybe most) PTSD sufferers, but one effective way of reducing anxiety is by boosting your emotional immune system. This is achieved through adding positive practices. This can include gratitude, meaning, commitment, savoring, and positive relationships.
So you’ve had the experience of being more anxious than other around you. A new person joins your group and you feel really uncomfortable. Or you are going to a new place and you feel like backing out at the last minute. Maybe you just can’t let your kid go for an overnight no matter how much your brain says that you are more than cautious. We can say that you anxiety buffer system isn’t working, but will that actually change something? I think not.
How do you begin to change that anxiety level? Of course, everybody is different, but the general rule is to “rewire” the brain to focus on the positive aspects. You are anxious because you have been trained by some trauma (if you have PTSD) that there is danger close by. So you need to retrain yourself. Practice positive thoughts and emotions. Learn to express more gratitude, or forgiveness, or great relationships. Each person has a different formula, and many people need support, guidance and coaching to build the positive habits. But, adding positivity will reduce your anxiety.
In fact, if we want to play the word game, we can say that the buffer is made of positivity.

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To Stay Awake Without Coffee

October 26, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, Positive Psychology

During the recent (Jewish) holiday season I had to work an especially long day after three hours of sleep. Nodding off while helping people is not my idea of efficiency. So I tried one of these new five hour energy drinks. It worked. Which is a good reason to avoid them as much as possible. I do not believe that any psychoactive substance can be really benign.

In that frame of mind the idea that talking can work as well as caffeine became quite intriguing. “C’mon!” you say, “If that were true we’d all do that.” I kid you not. That is a claim put forth in a recent article on the International Journal of Wellbeing. (Get the article here.) If you know how to talk you might be able to reduce your sleepiness with that skill alone.

Maybe you’ve been to a therapist and talked your heart out and left exhausted. You went home and felt like curling up in the recliner with a bowl of ice cream. Talking did a lot, but not give you any sense of vitality. The authors of this study are psychologists, so they should know that. What gives?

The answer is that it is a specific type of talk that is different from what most people do in therapy. Most therapists encourage their clients to share negative experiences. “Tell my your problems.” “Get it off your chest.”  That can be exhausting. It turns out that the opposite type of talk can have the opposite effect. Share positive experiences and you just might feel invigorated.

According to what they found, all you need to do is to talk about the good things that happen to you to somebody who is willing to listen and you will feel more full of life. It sounds too simple to me, but because it is simple it is really worth while giving it a try. Regardless of how simple, from experience I know it is not going to be an easy habit to establish. Try it. Let me know if it works for you. Hey, maybe you will find other benefits you can share!

In this research they called that wakefulness “vitality.” Is that the same? I’m not sure. It is a well done research and they clearly indicate that it is. Moreover, the results suggest that sharing positive experiences can increase vitality for up to two weeks!

Does it make sense? To me it does. Positivity is uplifting. Sharing positivity can be exciting and fun. Who wants to sleep when having fun and excitement? Does that make sense to you?

Fortunately, in coaching, even therapeutic coaching, we do a lot of positive talk. People get on a good track. They might even save on the Starbucks.

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You Are Strong

October 8, 2011 Ari Hahn Positive Psychology, Relationships, Uncategorized

You are strong. You might not feel that way right now, especially if you are overwhelmed. None the less, I know that you are strong. You might not show it all the time and maybe not in all ways, but I am very confident that you have some special strengths.

So why do you feel weak? And how can you feel strong?

Those are two really important questions. I think you understand that if you could answer them your quality of life would be greatly improved. Is there any simple answer?

We feel a certain way because of the way we think. We all have strengths and weaknesses. That is true for every creation in the world.

We love Muenster cheese in our family. My daughter came home and told me that she got a great deal on a large loaf (I think 5 pounds). Her sister said, “Sure you got a deal. It is moldy on one side.”

“Who cares?” was the reply. “I’ll cut that part off and let’s make some cheese sauce.”

“I’m not eating it. Mold! Uck!”

If you focus on the bad part it can spoil everything. If you focus on the good part you will feel better. We do that when we want to like somebody.

When we are happy about something we naturally focus on the positive. You might hear somebody saying, “I’m really excited about marrying Sarah. She is bright, beautiful and exciting.” We do not say, “I’m really excited about marrying Sarah. I love the way I need to ignore the clothes she leaves on the bathroom floor.”

But with most things the negative is noticed first. It naturally colors your perception. We see it first and see it salient. For too many people it is often all we see especially when looking at ourselves. With such a focus we begin to ignore our strengths and think more about our weaknesses.

To feel strong we have to focus on our strengths. I hear you saying, “Easier said than done.” I agree. In order to make this work we need to address some misconceptions.

We tend to think that in order to improve we need to address our deficiencies. Not true. While major faults need some work, if we make our strengths stronger, they will overshadow the faults. Remember that it take one candle to wipe away a whole lot of darkness. Our greatest potential lies in the areas that we excel in.

I am not suggesting that you ignore any faults. It is just that focusing on faults will not get your forward. Robert Biswas-Diener uses a metaphor to explain this. Picture yourself as a sailboat. Your faults are a leak in the boat. Fix the leak and you won’t sink. But you won’t get anywhere either. Your strengths are like the sail. Fill the sail with wind and you will quickly progress.

So look at yourself. Think of when you are at your best. Think of what you are most proud of. Think of what excites you and makes you feel like you really need to feel. These are the times that hold the greatest potential for your own personal path.

Don’t leave it as a thought. Write it down on a piece of paper. Look at those situations and try to identify the strengths you exhibit. Do you show self-control, caution, or humility? Maybe you utilize a sense of fairness, leadership, or teamwork? When you are excited about a task does it involve curiosity, a love of learning, or critical thinking? Or maybe more practical intelligence, or social intelligence, or original perspective?

Some people get invigorated when they display valor, perseverance, integrity or honesty. Others find that kindness, generosity and lovingness brings out the best in them. You might be a more spiritual person, who is drawn to appreciate beauty, hope, and faith. You might bloom with playfulness, or excel when you are filled with passion and enthusiasm.

Once you’ve found your strengths, you can begin to connect them to activities that utilize your particular strengths. Moreover, you can begin to emphasize your strengths when you have tasks to achieve. Your will be appreciated more and you will appreciate yourself more when you are putting forth your best strength. Because that is where you are strong.

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Can I be Positive?

September 15, 2011 Ari Hahn Coaching, Love, Positive Psychology, PTSD
All you need is by Ari Hahn
All you need is, a photo by Ari Hahn on Flickr.

People who live with mental illness, whether it is themselves or a loved one, love with too much stress and negative emotions. Much has been written about stress and certainly everybody has heard of the dangers of being over stressed.

Most medical professionals and psychotherapists work under the assumption that of you get rid of the negative in your life you will fill up your life with positive. People want to be happy and to flourish so if we remove the obstacles you will seek, find and fill your life with good healthy emotions and activities. Unfortunately, we see that it doesn’t work that way. It would if, for instance, love and fear were opposite ends of a real continuum. But if they were, you couldn’t both love and fear the same person at the same time. I sure you know of that possibility.

Science tells us that negative emotions help us focus on protection. If you are walking down a dark city street and a bunch of rowdy teenage boys come up behind you, you might get anxious or afraid. Your muscles tense, your heart beats harder, you listen more carefully, etc. Your only thought is how to stay safe.

If your kid is beginning to act out, your whole being focuses on what needs to be done to get through this episode. Hypervigilance reigns as you watch for signs that hospitalization might be needed. You ignore other tasks that seemed important just a short while ago. You feel all sorts of negative emotions and they actually can help you (in some ways) keep you and your family safe.

But what about positive emotions? How do they work? How do they effect our thinking and actions?

Positive emotions and positive interactions tend to move us in an opposite direction. When we engage in positivity our minds and hearts open up to new possibilities. Emotions like joy, gratitude, hope, pride and love help us feel expansive and we are able to be more creative. We build stronger relationships and live healthier lives. Not because of the lack of stress but because the positive emotions actually enhance these processes in our brains.

However, people do not automatically move into the positivity mode. If you have been overwhelmed with problems you might be stuck in a negativity rut. The real good news is that we all can train ourselves to cultivate feelings of joy, gratitude, awe, serenity, hope and love. If you can find even a few moments of these feelings then those moments are the seeds of a flourishing life. And there is research to show that for many people nurturing those seeds can be just as effective as antidepressants. With no side effects.

Some people need a personal coach. A positivity trainer. A professional who can teach you to refocus and cherish the good feelings through overwhelming times. I cannot think of a better investment.

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